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Lesson 6c: Unconditional Giving (Love)

Objective: Identify the barriers to your abundance

One of the hardest things to give or to receive is unconditional love.  In our society, everything is based on conditions: I give you this, if you give me that.  When you receive a birthday present from a friend for the first time, you make a mental note that you should send him a gift on his birthday in return.  When you learn how to live a life closer to unconditional love, the concept of giving and receiving will take on new meaning.  It will open you up to receiving abundance and prosperity at a whole new level.  This section addresses unconditional love first because when you figure out how to love unconditionally, it makes it easier to live unconditionally and have more abundance and prosperity in your life.

Note, it actually says above "when you figure out how to love unconditionally."  You are probably saying to yourself that you can give unconditional love already.  You may have children and when you held your baby for the first time, you felt a rush of unconditional love and even cried.  I felt the same way when I held my child for the first time.  So, what does it mean to learn to love unconditionally?  When you hold your baby for the first time, this is a glimpse of unconditional love.  However, it is still conditional love in that the love you give your baby is based on the fact that it is YOUR baby.  Would you love a stranger's baby in the same way?  If not, then there is a condition to your love.  This is natural.  Loving your baby is very close to unconditional love because your baby needs to do nothing for you to love him or her.  However, later in life, your love may be more conditional especially if your child wrecks your new sports car.

What gets in the way of loving unconditionally?  Barriers that we build up to protect ourselves.

  • Past Beliefs - People say that children are born with unconditional love and that they learn conditional love based on their experiences.  When we get hurt by others we start to erect barriers to protect ourselves.  We protect ourselves based on our belief that we can get hurt if we love unconditionally.
  • Limits - We believe that there is only so much time, money, and love in the world.   Thus, we need to keep what we have and protect and safeguard it.  We set up conditions on who can have our money and/or love.  We hold tight to what we have which actually creates more sacrifice and limits in our lives.  If we hold on tightly to money, then we believe in scarcity and scarcity will appear.
  • Feelings - In our society, we learn to ignore our feelings.  We teach our boys that grown men do not cry.  When we do not feel our feelings, the feelings stay around.  The reason for road rage is not because of anger at the other driver, but from the anger that has accumulated throughout the day and week and month.  It is easier to express anger at a stranger (that driver that just cut us off), than it is to express anger at people we know (our boss or our spouse).   We are taught not to express our anger, to keep it controlled, locked up inside.  We think that by ignoring it, it might just go away and we'll be safe.  However, if we keep ignoring our anger, it will leak out in unexpected, destructive ways.
  • Fear - Fear is the biggest barrier to love.  Fear holds us back from living fully in the present because we want to avoid being hurt in the future.  We typically withhold love out of fear of being hurt by others.  For example, we fear, "What if they do not love us back?" or "What if they leave us?"  We hold ourselves back from living and loving life to the fullest, out of fear.   If we do not show up fully for life and love, life and love will not show up fully for us.  
  • Comparing ourselves to others - From little league on, we focus on being better than others.  We compare our strengths and our weaknesses with the strengths and weaknesses of others.  We exploit their weaknesses while covering up own.  We build barriers to keep others from beating us and exploiting us.  These are the barriers that block us from unconditional love.  We create adversaries, for example, Russia during the Cold War.  To feel better about ourselves, we had to be better than them.  If your ego holds yourself as superior to someone else, do not expect that person's help, just their animosity.
"The course does not aim at teaching the meaning of love, for that is beyond what can be taught. It does aim, however, at removing the blocks to the awareness of love's presence, which is your natural inheritance. The opposite of love is fear, ..."
- A Course In Miracles

In short, we build barriers between ourselves and others.  Barriers can be either emotional, mental, or physical.  We use these barriers as defense mechanisms to prevent pain, but the same barriers also block abundance and prosperity from coming into our lives.  Abundance and prosperity come when we are totally open and give unconditionally.

Millionaires often become millionaires by pursuing their dreams with full vigor.  They create wealth by pursuing what they love and are passionate about, instead of just trying to make money.  There is the old saying, "Do what you love, and the money will follow."  The key is to find the barriers that trap your passion, that stop you from doing what you love, and removing them.  Scrully Blotnick tracked 1,500 people whose goals were to become millionaires.  They were divided into two groups.  The first group made money the priority, rather than pursuing a business or career that truly interested them.  In this group of 1,245 people, only one became a millionaire.  The second group pursued their interests first and trusted money would follow.  In this group of 255 people, 100 became millionaires.

What are your barriers to allowing abundance to come into your life?  Is it feeling that you deserve abundance?  Is it trying to hold on to what you have?  Is it trying to get your share?

Exercise: Take a few moments and reflect on the barriers that you have created in your life.

  • Do you feel that you deserve abundance?
  • Do you hold on to what you have (believe in scarcity)?
  • Do you go to work to punch the clock (9 to 5) or do you really enjoy your work?
  • How do you let fear stop you in life and love?
  • How do you compare yourself to bothers in general and financially?
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