Lesson 3d: Increasing Self-Worth
ways to increase your self-worth
So how do we start building self-worth that is not based
on net worth?
Note the word SELF-worth.
Stop basing your self-worth
on the opinions and approval of others. When we try to
build ourselves from the opinions of others, we are only building
our ego, not our self-worth. Build your
self-worth by looking at the qualities that you appreciate about
One area where many men get in trouble is trying
to provide for their families (myself included). We tend
to think that if we have more money, we will be better providers. Yet,
sometimes all our families want from us is more of our time, not
or an exotic vacation. See yourself from what you can
provide for your family from a non-material point of view.
control of your life.
Stop making excuses for what you believe do not have. Lack
of self-worth derives from feeling that we can not control our
lives. The first step to taking control of your self-worth
is knowing that you have a choice on how to react to the events in
the events define who you are or who you are not? Sometime
you believe that the events define you. In these cases, life
appears out of control and at the whim of the universe. However,
it is what you do with the event that defines you. Where
would we be if President Roosevelt let polio become an excuse to
and be disabled?
- Change your inner dialog.
Others (e.g., parents, teachers, employers) may
have criticized you in the past, told you that you weren't "good
enough," yet it
internal voice that is continuing
this dialog today. Do you have self-doubt
or beat yourself up when you make a mistake? It
is these negative inner thoughts that continue to drive your
poor self-worth. Some
self-doubt may be good. It
can drive self-improvement and growth. Yet,
it can become an obstacle when it is excessive and causes
you to feel that you are not "good enough."
have been criticizing yourself for years, and it
hasn't worked. Try approving of yourself and see
- Louise L. Hay
To increase your self-worth, stop yourself when you are being
critical towards yourself. Replace the critical voice
with a voice of positive affirmations about
yourself. What is it that you do really well? What
do you like/love about yourself? A
good exercise is to look in the mirror and tell yourself these
things every day. Note, if you do not like the way you
look in the mirror, then you may really need to do this exercise.
- Look for the good in others.
When we are criticizing and finding fault in others, we are actually
criticizing ourselves. At times, we find fault in others because
we feel inadequate about ourselves as well. So we beat them
down in order to make ourselves
feel better. Note,
when we point a finger at someone, there are three fingers pointing
If you are a manager, this does not mean you only need to be positive
and not say anything negative to an unproductive employee. It
means that you see the whole person and give praise and objectively
provide areas for learning (not criticizing). Criticism
is tearing down; providing learning opportunities
is building them up.
- Be of service to others.
Being a service to others (e.g., by volunteering) does two things. First,
you will feel better about yourself because it takes
and places it on helping others. Second, to be a service to
others, you must have something that they want (something of value). Seeing
that you have something of value, even if it is just greeting
someone with a smile, will go towards helping
build your self-worth.
- Say thank you.
Notice over the course of a day how many times you rebuff praise
from others by saying, "No, it was nothing." In effect,
you are saying that you do not deserve their praise. Instead,
try to simply say, "Thank you," in response to their praise. This
will open you up to receiving the positive feedback and feeling worthy,
Also say, "thank you," to your Creator. Saying
thank you means that you are complete just the way you are.
|Exercise: Pick one or two
examples from above to use to increase your
self-worth. Write them down and practice
them daily for the next 7 weeks.